Back to Life

This is a bit of a different blog post, as I’m usually sharing food or travel information, or small little nuggets of truth. This one is a little deeper and a little more personal, but I hope by sharing my testimony, that you might recognize yourself in it. And if so, realize that you’re never too far gone for resurrection. That there is a Savior who wants to breathe His breath of life back into your lungs as He did for me a year ago. And to be quite honest, He’s still having to do a little CPR from time to time as I sometimes forget the freedom He’s provided for me. If I’m being real and vulnerable here, I sometimes find myself wandering off, back into the same thought patterns and victim mentality that I lived in for so long. And I still have to do heart work and thought-life processing to stay in the place of freedom He brought me to. 

So here’s a snippet of my testimony:

One year ago, He brought me back to life! It was a Sunday morning service, our worship pastor was leading the song “Back to Life” by Bethel Music. I began to weep, as hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to sing the words, but no sound would come out, only deep sobs. Then something began to happen as I barely muttered the words through my sobs. I felt the Lord’s breath, His “ruach” (a Hebrew word meaning “breath, wind, or spirit”), breathe back into my lungs again. You see, I didn’t realize how dead and lifeless I was inside, how I had let years of pain, both physical and emotional, and trauma fill my heart and my mind with wounds so deep I didn’t know if I’d ever escape. I was locked in a prison, not of my own choosing, but from things that were done to me. I didn’t know how to escape or if I ever could. 

The bondage to the thoughts and fear and insecurities had become so great over the years because I simply didn’t know how to let go. I kept telling the Lord he could take it and that I surrendered, but I couldn’t let go. I didn’t know how. It had become a part of my identity, without my knowledge. It crept in ever so slowly and gripped me with its death grip, but it was little by little so I never noticed–until one day I realized I could no longer breathe. I was smothered by my own thoughts, my heart imprisoned and choked out by the weeds that I had allowed to take root. I looked alive, and some days even felt somewhat alive, and people who didn’t know me, were none the wiser. But I was dying…a slow and agonizing death. My body and my mind in pain that nobody could see, and my emotions a tangled mess. 

But all of a sudden, on this particular Sunday, after years of fighting and crying out to the Lord, He breathed…one breath was all it took, one moment of “ruach” and my thoughts began to ease, my body relaxed, and my heart began to feel alive and joyful once again. After years and years of pain and agony, I was alive! I had been resurrected in just one moment of Him calling my name. As the communion elements were served, I sat in my seat in awe of His goodness and grace. I took the bread and the wine with a different understanding that morning. It was more personal than it had ever been before. 

I understood the depth of His words, of the bread and the wine, representing His suffering so that I could be FULLY alive. His body broken in suffering and agony so that mine could be whole and healed, His blood poured out once and for all so that I could live in freedom. Such a costly sacrifice, but He endured it for me…and for you.

Now I would be lying to tell you that it’s been easy over the past year. The enemy has fought tooth and nail to make me believe that my full healing will never come, to taunt me back little by little into his grasp. But each time I reach for the bread and wine of communion, I’m reminded of my resurrection day. I'm reminded that I was once dead, but now I’m alive and breathing His breath of life. You see, (to quote my friend Adam McHugh) “the thing about resurrection is that it first requires a death. You can’t have a new beginning without an ending.” His death brought about His resurrection and because of His resurrection, I too can be resurrected back to life! And so can you!

If you’re reading this and you find yourself in the same place that I did last year, where your life feels empty, with no signs of life, or you feel like your stuck and bound with no way out, let God breathe life into your dead places. If you’re not sure what that means or how it might look, just pray something along these lines–”God, I know I’m not living my life in the freedom that You died for. I have some deep wounds, and my heart is full of roots of unforgiveness, bitterness, hurt, pain, trauma, (or whatever you feel the issue is). I’m asking You to forgive me for not bringing these things to You and letting You heal these places. Will You blow your breath of life into me and resurrect these dry and dead places again? I surrender it all to You. In Jesus name, Amen”

Drop a comment, send an email, or message me if you prayed this prayer and I’ll be praying for you!

All my love, 

Angie